Reputation versus Character - You Must Choose

Warren Buffet once said: "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently." This sounds right with the exception it is our character which we should be concerned with not our reputation. I feel the need to address this with everyone and anyone. Recently God has been working on me and preparing me for His purpose. I have been reading a book by Dr. Jamal Bryant, “World War Me” and in the book Dr. Bryant talks about Image and Integrity. My belief is both are important, but image without the integrity is not good. On the other hand integrity without image is good. In Dr. Bryant’s says someone told him about the importance of image and integrity. While heard both image and integrity, he mastered only one. He mastered image. Image can be defined as; the general or public perception of a person place or thing. You see, the image of a person, may not be who a person truly is. Just because a person’s image leads you to perceive them one way doesn’t mean what you perceive is reality.

About three or four years ago R.A. Vernon a pastor in Cleveland, did a sermon on being a Kingdom Man that dealt with Character versus Reputation. In his message Pastor Vernon asked the question; “What kind of man are you?” He stressed that reputation is what people think you are and character is who you are. That has stuck with me, because while I strive to do what is right I fail sometime. I know (Romans 3:23 NASB) states, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” but I have always promised myself I would never be a hypocrite. So if you ask me a question I will be truthful (no matter if it cost me). Over the years I have learned that living a life of integrity is extremely important. God has shown me (through past relationships, and experiences) that anything less causes confusion and pain. More importantly in I Corinthians 14:33, God makes it clear He is not into confusion. By choosing to have a reputation rather than character we mask our true identity. The bottom line is that who you are is defined by what you do when no one is looking. Again reputation is what we show and tell people when they are watching; and if we are concerned with reputation we will show people our best. However character is based on action, it is based on what we do when people can’t see us. First, let me throw out my disclaimer. I am in no way passing judgment nor am I trying to change anyone. God will work in and on you in His time table. I just want to make a distinction between reputation and character.

Choices	Reputation	Character
Drinking alcohol	No, I don’t drink; at certain functions people are always watching.	Yes, I drink socially
Inappropriate language	No, I never use bad words, in front of people I need to impress.	Yes, I may say something when I’m upset
Sex/Adultery	No, not me. I’m not even tempted, but I frequent the strip clubs and love to have sex my wife/significant others close friend.	Yes, I am tempted but I fight to not give in to my temptations
Money	No, I’m not living beyond my means. My Maybach is mine. Excuse me I have to get to my second job.	Yes, I am in control of my finances
God	Yes, I love the Lord but I don’t believe everything in the bible. This is a new time and some of that stuff doesn’t apply now.	Yes, I love the Lord. I make mistakes and if it weren’t for His grace and mercy, I would bust hell wide open.

By the table above Reputation looks good on the outside. The beginning of each answer Reputation gives goes one way only to be contradicted in the ending. When you dig deeper Reputation’s answers reveals issues being masked. Character’s answers are not pretty but they are truthful. Every answer Character gives is consistent.

Ultimately we make decisions and choices not based on our reputation but out of the core of our character. John Wooden, the former UCLA basketball coach said: "Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." In other words, character is who you are when nobody is looking.

I want to share one last thing with you, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." (Luke 16:10 NIV). The issue is faithfulness and faithfulness is not just a matter of reputation, it's a matter of character. Nurture your character

Until Next Time,

Long Live The Kane

Letting Go

As a 40 year old African-American male and single dad (Dad not Father) I have seen and done many things in my life. The majority of my life I can look on and be proud of my actions and accomplishments (my relationship with God, being a good dad, graduating from college, helping my family, and having in career). Then there is the part of my life; that while I regret nothing, I am not proud of some of my actions or some of my behaviors (having children out of wedlock, toxic relationships, and poor judgment). While some people grow up and mature into productive citizens without hitting many obstacles, I have run into my share. Many of the obstacles I ran into were placed there by me. Looking back on my life I can see where and why I went in a certain direction. My choice of direction right or wrong was determined by what I thought was best for me at that time. This is where most people get caught up. While looking back on their life, they tend to concentrate on the past and their decisions. You know the “woulda-coulda” type of thinking. Trust me when I say this, “Let the past go and move forward!”

Now while some may say, it is easier said than done and who is this dude telling me to release my past and move on. This person doesn’t understand what I have done or what I have been through. I say this to you. I never said it would be easy, what I said was, “LET GO and MOVE FORWARD!” I’m going to share some of the steps that have helped me move forward.

Step One – Pray for Guidance

As you move forward pray for guidance. The guidance you are seeking should benefit all parties involved. Remember by being true to yourself, and helping others the guidance you seek should be selfless. In the bible there is a scripture which pretty much guarantees success. Philippians 4:13 states, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (NKJV)

Step Two – Be Thankful and Count Your Blessings

It is important to remember that whatever you have been through and whatever has been done, you are still able to make the situation better. Today is the first day of your future; you are blessed to have a future in front of you. Think about it like this; if you are reading this, you are alive and have a functioning brain. You are better off than some people.

Step Three – Be true to yourself

Own up to what you have done. Whatever has been done is just that, done. In life there are no undo’s only fix it’s and move on’s. Some time the only option is to move on. You can not control other people, only yourself. Own up, apologize (if needed), offer to fix it, and move forward.

Step Four – Help others

Always help others through situations that you contributed to. There is a condition to this step, and that condition is help when your help is wanted. Again, you can not control other people only yourself. If you are trying to help better the situation and your help is refused and not wanted. LET GO and MOVE FORWARD.

Step Five – Make each day your Masterpiece

My friend, remember Rome was not built in a day. It takes time and each day you have the opportunity to make yourself better. Be an example for others to emulate. Each day strive to better yourself (become a man of character not reputation) and those who surround you, by doing this you are creating an atmosphere that breeds healthy relationships, and a successful future. LET GO and MOVE FORWARD. Get better everyday!

Remember no one is perfect, so do not think you can not make a change for the better. Let no one tell you who you are. Know who you are and whose you are. Life is full of obstacles, some created by ourselves and others by life itself. FIX what you can, what you can not LET IT GO, and MOVE FORWARD to a better future.

Until Next Time

Long Live The Kane

What A Blessing

Well here I am again, blogging sharing what has been placed on my heart. First of all I would like to thank all of you who actually read my blog. When I first started blogging, I did so because it was soothing to my soul. However the longer I went on the more I started to believe that I was sharing my faith with my friends. I can honestly say I did not really know if what I was sharing helped anyone but I did know that I was supposed to share my life experiences. Well to make this short I have recently been asked to join a group of men, who intend on sharing their experiences on being African American Fathers. This is quite an honor for me, because the founder of this group said that, he thought of me because of my blog. It is amazing how God works; what began as a therapeutic outlet for me has been blessed into being a tool to help others. I believe, God knows all and his master plan is so big that we could never understand what is really going on. I thank God for the opportunity he has afforded me to share His word by using me as a vessel to communicate it with others.

Unitl Next Time

Long Live The Kane

Continue Growing

Today I want to talk about character and maturity. I read in the book " 100 Days of Character for Men" that character building never happens overnight. When it comes to building our character and maturing, it is a life long journey. As a Christian I believe I should continue to grow in love and in the knowledge of my Savior as long as I live. It sounds easier than it really is. Our lives and our characters are developed by the countless thoughts and choices we make everyday, we make decisions that can strengthen our characters or not. In my life I have made horrible choices as a child, as a teen, as a youong adult, and even as an adult. The thing which I am thankful for is the understanding I gained from each choice I made. The Bible states, "when I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does but when I grew up I put away childish things. (1 Corinthians 13:11 NLT)" When you look at the Scripture and break it down it shows a progression in the maturation process. Simply put, as we grow physically we should also go mentally and spiritually; the maturation process of our mind, body and soul. Some people never grow and continue to make childish decisions as adults. My friends that is not a good thing! God has commanded us to grow spiritually and to get understanding. In (2 Peter 3:18 NKJV) the Bible states, "but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen." In (Proverbs 4:7 NKJV) the Bible is very clear when it comes to getting wisdom and understanding. It is here the Bible states, "Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding." There are a couple of things I'm trying to share today. The first, I believe is that we are all maturing whether we want to or not; and maturity is not achieved overnight. Second, the choices we make help us to mature and build our character or retards us and tears down our character. Third, while we are going through the maturation process we are to gain wisdom, knowledge and understanding. My friends when we go through tough times and situations that seem impossible, understand it is part of the maturation process learn from it. The wisdom and understanding you gain from your trials will become the knowledge you share with someone else. Remember the old saying, "Each One Teach One!" We are here to share with one another and encourage one another. There is a song that I recently put in heavy rotation in my CD changer. It talks about growth and the hook goes like this: "I'm not perfect but I'm trying. When you needed me there's a few times I didn't come running. I'm not perfect but I'm working. When you wanted more I would give you less and Lord I'm sorry. I'm not perfect but I'm getting closer the more I know you. Please give me another chance. I'm not perfect but I'm better than I was on yesterday." This song is by J. Moss and it is called "Perfect". This describes the spiritual maturation process to a tee. Remember, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.(Romans 3:23 NKJV)" We have all fell short of God's glory, no one is perfect but, we should all keep striving to be better than we were the day before. My friends I encourage all of you to share your experiences with those in need and continue to mature and build your character. I will do the same. Remember character is what you do when no one is looking. Try to do the right thing all the time.

Until Next Time!

Long Live The Kane

Choices And Relationships Go Together

Today I want to focus on Choices and Relationships. I am focused on this because I have had to make some critical decision in the last couple of weeks. For the longest time I believed good people bring good situations and bad people bring bad situations. I still believe this is true. Today I read, "Your associations empower you to succeed or fail. Choose godly friendships so you’re empowered to reach your God-given destiny." I thought man how true this is. I then read the scripture that was assocaited and it made me really think about my life and some of the things I was trying to do. Forcing relationships that needed to be severed and severing relationships that needed to be fostered. The scripture read, "Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces." (Proverbs 13:20 The Message). It is just that simple! My friends if there is someone or something that you need to let go, please release it. God has something better for you. Choose wisely in everything you do. We make choices everyday, basically all day long. The Bible says, “Now listen! Today I am giving you a choice between life and death, between prosperity and disaster." (Deuteronomy 30:15 NLT) The choice is ours to make. It sounds easy, choose life and prosperity! To make it even easier the Bible then instructs us why we should choose life and details the benefits of choosing life. "For I command you this day to love the Lord your God and to keep his commands, decrees, and regulations by walking in his ways. If you do this, you will live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you and the land you are about to enter and occupy." (Deuteronomy 30:16 NLT) SOUNDS GREAT! Then why is it we choose death and disaster? Not speaking to or about anyone specifically, but some of the decisions we make are not wise and lead to death and disaster. That is where the wise counsel comes into play, PICK YOUR FRIENDS WISELY. Anyway God commands us to choose life but so many people ignore this command leading to disaster.(I have ignored it before) In verse 17 the Bible states, “But if your heart turns away and you refuse to listen, and if you are drawn away to serve and worship other gods(money, material things, basically anything but God), then I warn you now that you will certainly be destroyed. (Deuteronomy 30:17-18 NLT) Well Thank God for his grace and mercy. I along with a lot of other people would have been destroyed if not for God's grace and mercy. All and all my friends this post is simple and to the point. Choose God and His Way, life will be a lot easier.
Until Next Time!



Long Live The Kane

Rude or Real

Today I want to address the concept of being real and being real rude. Some of you may think this is directed at you, but please don’t take it personal because God loves you and so do I. This is on my heart, and I am trusting God to inspire my words. In our society today people think it is okay to hurt people’s feelings if they are telling what they perceive as the truth about the situation. I don’t think that is what Jesus had in mind when he said, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32 NKJV) You see if you go back and read this scripture in context, Jesus was talking being free from sin. Interestingly enough people have taken the John 8:32 and interpreted it as being real or telling others how they see the situation at hand. After all perception is reality, right? Wrong perception is not everyone’s reality; just yours. It is time that we realize that offending a person with the truth is not right. As believers in Christ Jesus we must understand the power of our words. The Bible says, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” (Proverbs 18:21 NLT) Words in truth may hurt but they should not be offensive. I think the key word is tact. When you use words that are offensive, it puts the receiver of those words on the defensive and the message you were trying to convey is lost. When we are trying to win souls for God, we are very careful not to offend the non-believer with the truth about God. However we will quickly offend someone about their physical features, financial decisions, and anything else we think isn’t the way our perception tells us it should be. This is simple the Bible states, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being “. (1 Corinthians 10:23-24 NKJV) Edify and well-being, how can something be edifying and well-being if it offends a person? When we edify one another we instruct, benefit one another morally and spiritually; uplifting the person we are speaking to. The bottom line is we should be tactful in what we say to one another. We should speak the truth but speak life into one another. I heard someone once say that they were just being real. What they said and how they said it was real rude. The next time you feel the need to tell someone your perception make sure you think about the tact that maybe required to get your point across without offending the person you are trying to help. Remember this, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Proverbs 27:17 NLT)


Until Next Time

Long Live the Kane

Change versus Temporary Adjustment

Today I want to talk about change versus temporary adjustment. People try to adjust their lives to fit in a certain place, whether it is to fit into a loved one’s life or maybe to fit into a crowd, it could even be at the workplace. Where you are temporarily adjusting yourself you are masking who you are in order to fit in. This can be very dangerous and extremely hurtful. With all that said people do it every day. You have adjusted your being to fit in, but at some point in time you will revert to who you truly are. Let us look at the definition of the word adjust; to settle or bring to a satisfactory state, so that parties are agreed in the result. Now let’s look at the definition of the word change; to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone. Is one better than the other I ask? Let’s dig deeper and really breakdown Change versus Adjustment. First off let me say that if both adjustment and change take place and the adjustment and change are for the better; well that is a blessing. If you are able to make permanent adjustments before change takes place you are blessed. However the reality is that adjustments are usually made after change has occurred in our lives. There is that old saying, “Hind sight is 20/20”. The Bible talks about wisdom, and getting wisdom. That in itself is another topic to be addressed later. Back to my point, the book of Proverbs sates, “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding”. (Proverbs 4:7 NKJV) When we (no one in particular) should make permanent adjustments we make temporary adjustments that will satisfy, or bring about an agreed result. In my opinion a temporary adjustment just means that, you temporarily adjusted your behavior or mindset to reach a satisfactory state. Once that state is reached just like American culture after a certain amount of time we tend to forget why we made the adjustment and revert back to what caused the dissatisfaction in the first place. Think about it how many times have we adjusted our behaviors or thinking to make things better and then later find ourselves doing the very things that we had adjusted. This is being human so no one should feel bad. Proverbs 24:16 says, “For a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again, but the wicked shall fall by calamity.” (Proverbs 24:16 NKJV) The thing to take from this is not to feel bad that you made a temporary adjustment, but recognized that in order to keep the satisfactory state you have to change. What we (again no one in particular) do as people is make temporary adjustment in order to get what we want whether it is to stop or spouse or significant other from fussing, or just plain quick conflict resolution. Change is needed not temporary adjustment. I wanted to address this with you all because God has shown this to me. I had made temporary adjustments to my life only to revert back to the very behaviors and mindset that I adjusted. I now see that CHANGE was needed. My friends please do not be like me and wait until something tragic makes you change! Please I know I have been long winded with this, but God allowed me to be stripped of almost everything before I could see and understand what he was trying to show me. Again if you are in this same situation don’t feel bad. Jonah had to be swallowed by a whale before he learned the error of his ways. Samson lost his strength, his eyes and his life before changing his ways. Well I guess you can’t change after you’re dead. Anyway, my point is not to wait for tragedy to make you change. Change because it is the right thing to do. The other thing if you have lost something or someone because you made a temporary adjustment. Seek the Lord first, and he will give you strength, ability and guidance to change. Once you have change and have the counsel of God. You will truly know what to do to take back what you once had. This does not mean that you will get it back (God gives people free will). However if you have truly changed it will show, and if God wants you to have it you will. Pray, Pray, and Pray some more.

Until Next Time

Long Live The Kane